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Albert Camus

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Life really was stranger than fiction. - My Soon-To-Be Sex Life by Judith Tewes

Great scripts that might just get me out of this town someday. 
They all talked about it. The inciting incident. The one thing that changes the main character’s life has to happen in the first few minutes and yet here I was three weeks into focused, plotted, storyboarded dating – and I was still a virgin.

Description:

Charlie is down to her absolute. Total. Last. Resort.

Despite a thoroughly comprehensive list of potential cherry poppers, er…suitors, and careful plotting, Charlie is three weeks into her devirginization campaign, still untouched, and getting desperate. In the movie of her life, this aspiring screenwriter is giving herself a PG, for please, get some.

Her project goes into freeze frame when her mom checks herself into rehab and packs Charlie off to live with her estranged, or just plain strange, grandfather, Monty. How is she supposed to get a date when she has to go pick up his Depends?

Enter Eric, a hot rehab grad on the road to redemption, and the only one who can make Charlie rethink her strategy. The more she gets to know him, the more convinced she becomes that is the one, and not just another to add to the list of people who will abandon her.

In this hilarious and heartbreaking story of one girl’s detoured road to womanhood, Charlie’s list develops a life of its own – right when she realizes there’s so much more to lose.

EXCERPT




“I said, ‘What floor?’ Did you hear me? What floor do you want?”

The question comes from a guy around my age. Tall, cute, and wearing a faded Zeppelin T-shirt over a long-sleeved hoodie, a black fisherman’s hat pulled low over his ears, his index finger hovering over a panel of glowing moons.

I blink and the world comes into focus.

My pulse knocked in my throat. Okay, which floor did I need?

Blinking hard, I stared at the blur of people streaming past the glass windows. Why did they have glass elevators in a hospital anyway? What if someone you loved died and you wanted to have yourself a nice private little meltdown on the way to the morgue?

What if you just needed a moment before facing the world?

“Hey,” his eyes narrowed, “you’re not going to pass out are you?”

The floor lurched beneath my feet.

“I don’t know.” I swayed. “Am I?”

I felt weird. My legs went numb. I staggered.

He caught me with a grunt, propping me against his chest, his hands spanning my ribcage. We froze. My fingers clutched the soft black cotton at his waist, grasping for additional support. Pushing his hoodie upward. My knuckles skimmed warm, taunt muscles hidden underneath. His sharp inhalation pushed his chest harder into mine.

Somewhere I felt a hammering, a construction drill cranked to life like it was trying to blast through concrete. And then suddenly, not a drill. A heart, beating out of control.

His or mine?
****
I had to get away or I’d do even more damage and try to wrestle the DVD from his grip. Which would lead to body contact. And possibly other stuff.

“I think this is where I point out that you’re running away from me again.”

I spun around, then steadied the display rack I’d sent wobbling. “I’m not running from you.” I pointed to Ferris. “I’m running from that.”

“Bueller?” Eric stared at Mathew Broderick’s perpetually pubescent face.

“You’re holding my Wednesday night laugh. And I kind of needed it.”

“Charlie?” Ace called from the counter. He watched Eric warily. “You okay?”

“Story of my life,” Eric answered him in a breezy tone, “all the girl wants is my movie, not my hot bod.”

Ace shrugged. “Sorry kid, you’re no James Dean.” He squinted. “Is that, Bueller? Charlie’s favorite.” He sighed. “Come on over here and we’ll settle this real civilized like.”

Eric handed Ace the DVD.

“You had it first?” Ace asked Eric.

“Yup.”

“But my girl’s laying on the guilt trip?” Ace gave me a disapproving look.

“Hey, I was not. I don’t do the batting of the eyelashes and the pouting of the lips.” I tucked in my bottom lip when Eric flicked his own, then pointed at my face.

“There’s two ways this can go,” Ace said to Eric. “You can be a dick and rent the movie and never have a chance with Charlie,” he spoke behind his hand, “and she’s a real nice girl.”

I flushed.

“Or,” Ace continued, “we could have a wee bit of a trivia contest. I’ll ask you both different questions about Bueller, here. The first one to get stumped - gets stuffed.” He brushed crumbs off his fleece sweatshirt. “What’s it gonna be?”

Eric tapped his fingers on the glass countertop. He looked at the DVD, then at me. Then at the DVD, then at Ace. Ace looked at Eric. Then at me.

“Oh, just forget the whole fucking thing.” I whipped toward the exit.

“Do that again,” Eric said.

I turned around. “Do what?”

“Stomp your foot like that. It’s very sexy.” He winked.

I got in his face. “Let’s do it.” I stepped aside to let a mother and her little girl through the theft gates. “Right here. Right now.” At my words, the woman immediately started dragging her protesting daughter back outside. I heard disappointed howls through the glass door.

“You’re on.”


About the author:
Judith Tewes - author and screenwriter - resides in small town northern Alberta, where she: writes, sings, plays bass guitar in an all-woman band, walks her three crazy labs, and suspects she's living the life of a superhero's alias. Her edgy, contemporary young adult fiction is full of heart with a side of snark.

She also writes paranormal YA under the pen name, Judith Graves.


Author's Giveaway a Rafflecopter giveaway

6 comments:

johnthuku0 said...

What an interesting excerpt. I would love to read this. Thank you for the giveaway.

Unknown said...

I look forward to reading your books and keep up the great work.

Juana said...

I enjoyed the excerpt. I would love to read this story.

Juana Esparza

Judy Schechter said...

This book sounds funny and sweet and I enjoyed learning about it! I can't wait to read it!

Julie Waldron said...

Thank you for the giveaway!

Unknown said...

The excerpt really pulled me in. Thanks for sharing the post and being part of the tour.